Fear used to drive everything I did.
Fear that I wouldn't be accepted my others led me to cut others down to make myself look better. It led me to say whatever it took and do whatever it took to belong.
Fear that I would never have enough led me to steal what wasn't mine and constantly lust after things – always wanting more, and more, and more.
Fear that I was messing it all up – for myself, for my kids, for EVERYONE led me to question every decision I made, always doubting, fretting, second-guessing and not really getting anywhere.
Something powerful happened when I realized that LOVE ALWAYS WINS.
Fear made me hate myself. Love helps me realize that… there's more important things to do.
There's only so much I can screw up. Love is gonna win anyway.
And suddenly, it all makes sense.
I replaced fear with love and stopped comparing myself to others, because I'm enough and they're enough and my only job is do do what I know to be right in any given moment, which is love. It's always love.
I replaced fear with love and I stopped judging others because none of us have it all together and that's okay. I started extending the grace that I'm so grateful to receive and realizing that there are so many things I do wrong that I DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT. It's true for everyone and grace is the only solution.
I replaced fear with love and I stopped gossiping about people because what other people choose to do with their lives became irrelevant because now I was filled with purpose and hope and…. love.
I replaced fear with love and made beautiful connections with souls who uplift and don't tear down.
I stopped acting like everything is fine all the time, because frankly, LIFE IS INSANE and sometimes I need to cry, but that's okay and I'm still enough.
Basically, my entire life blossomed when I stopped poisoning my soul with fear and instead nourishing it with love.
I replaced fear with love and everything changed.
But suddenly it became uncomfortable to be around a lot of people in my life. Apparently one of the favorite past times of a lot of people I know is to talk shit about all the people we know.
And the fear was back:
“What are they saying about me? How are they judging ME? Because they obviously ARE… they judge EVERYONE.”
So I replaced it with love:
“I remember how painful it was to live this way. I remember how anxious I was all the time. How can I love this person right now?”
And it led to doing things life shifting the conversation in a more positive direction. Sticking up for people who are being shit-talked. Doing my absolute best to uplift whoever I'm with.
Is it executed perfectly? Of course not. I have days – LORD, DO I HAVE DAYS.
But I'm doing my best and that's enough.
And it's an easy mantra to live by:
“How can I love right now?”